she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
