it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
