I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
50% drunk capacity currently
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
