My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
