I wish I could punch you in the face.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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