Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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