I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship