I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
