After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
