You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
