i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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