yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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