I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How naked do you want me to be?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
