My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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