This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.