I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
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Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito