Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.