best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.