My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.