I could have mohawked her pubes.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
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She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?