lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
