you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
