I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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