weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
