Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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