pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
