If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
