He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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