God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
