His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
