Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
