Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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