If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
