Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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