He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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