Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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