matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am naked and annoyed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
