I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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