you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize