I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
