i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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