life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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