even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
