Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have post one night stand depression
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