also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
