3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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