Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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