he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
