Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
