I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
