Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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