Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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