Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
