my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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