i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
