I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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