I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize