So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
