so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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