those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
