Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
