I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
