Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
